I’ve been thinking about starting this blog for a long time now. I mean, I’d have started it a lot sooner if I hadn’t been so, erm, depressed. Right now, I’m mid-bout of major depression. I can’t work, heck, some days I can’t even get out of bed.
I’m taking the medication and, above all, waiting. Some days the wait is easy, I get up, take my daughter to school and maybe have a cuppa with some friends. On these days I feel like I’ve climbed a mountain! Other days, the wait feels never ending. I don’t get up, or I get up and it takes 3 hours to have a shower. I get out of the shower, sit on my bed and cry for an hour.
There’s the brain fog. Forgetting the PIN for my bank card (the same pin I’ve had for 6 years), turning up for an appointment to discover that not only have you got the time wrong, you’re there on the wrong day. Driving the long way round town because you forget where you’re going and take the wrong turn round the one way system (don’t get me started on the one way system!)
I’d spent most of the afternoon in bed eating crisps (ready salted in case you want to know). No motivation to do anything. The hours were dragging, I was making a list of why it was pointless to get out of bed. I had to do something. I didn’t want to text a friend, there wasn’t much to say: “Hey, still depressed and still tired.” I started to think about how many other people in the world felt the same way as I do now. Probably a few, probably more than we know, probably there are people googling depression right now. Maybe they want to know they aren’t alone. And that’s when crazedandconfused was born!