I’ve been on a hiatus of late due to an eye problem which needed reduced screen time. Happy to say it’s a lot better now so I am hoping to pick up where I left off (that is, intermittently sharing my semi-coherent thoughts with total strangers). Ah the joy of over-sharing.
It’s Wednesday night, I’m wearing my Christmas Pyjamas (don’t judge, the rest are in the laundry) and I’ve just eaten a large bar of Fruit and Nut. Sometimes I think I’d like to video blog but that would involve (a) learning how to use the technology required and (b) making some more effort with my appearance (or at least putting a bra on under said pyjamas) which, after an entire day at work, isn’t going to happen.
If my blog were a school report, I’m pretty sure it would say “has potential but must try harder.” Thinking about it, you could say the same for many aspects of my life. Occasionally I become aware of my “failings” and resolve to address them, creating a vision of my end goal then breaking it down into small steps to help me realise the vision. Bonus points for creating a Pinterest board outlining the vision. This is what experts on time management tell us isn’t it? Small, achievable steps adding up to reaching a bigger goal.
I’m not about to say that goal setting is bad or that we should forget self improvement and aim for mediocre but I have to say that for the most part, my desire to improve is driven by guilt. And guilt isn’t actually a particularly powerful or healthy motivator. Guilt just leads to more guilt when you realise you can’t/no longer want to achieve a goal. Or (even worse) guilt motivates you, progress on achieving the vision begins but before you even reach half-way you’ve started planning what the next goal will be and then burn out and lose all motivation to do anything.
My current goals include learning to speak Spanish, planting a herb garden and blogging more regularly with the aim of making some real change to mental health care by reaching out with the blog. Wanna know which of these I am making progress with? None. I did make some progress with Spanish but as soon as I started to gain confidence I somehow ended up researching GCSE Spanish night classes and then lost interest because all I really wanted to do was learn how to order a gin and tonic.
I’m still not fluent in Spanish, the plant pots I bought for the herbs are still empty and the blog isn’t really changing anything at the moment! I’m still adding to my “To Do” list. This time though, I’ve giving myself permission to give up or lose interest. After all, if I achieve everything I want to achieve, I’ll only find more to do! I’ll be back (maybe soon) with more noncommittal blogging.